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Great-ish


I know some excellent Moms.  Ironing-the-uniform-Mom, sit-down-to-amazing-food-nightly-Mom, gorgeous-house-entertaining-Mom.  Six-pack-abs Mom.  Essential-oil-diffusing-pressure-points-sensory inputting-Mom.  I know Moms who save lives while kids are at school.  I know Moms who pick up one more hour of work and pay because a birthday is coming up.  I know SO MANY GREAT MOTHERS.... and the one thing they have in common?  They all think they're barely scraping by.

I don't know a single Mom who thinks she's killing it.  They speak with eyes lowered about finding "someone to talk to" when they find the time, because the anxiety of their load is slowly pressing on their windpipe.  They can't breathe.  A few will allow that they're "good" moms, but no further.  "Great" is not possible.  There are too many ways to make mistakes and those mistakes make us unworthy of great.

This free floating anxiety doesn't discriminate. We choose public school, charter school, private school, and homeschool.  Working full-time and part-time and fully-SAHM-time.  Only children, medium households and large families.  Happily married or white knuckling it through the days.  Successful in appearance (and reality), but drowning on the inside.

I want to hug everyone.  I want to say, "Yes!  Me too!  I know".  Because I do.

I've never met someone who loved their mother or grandmother less because she gained weight, or had grays, or crow's feet.  We think back on our family women as lovely- but hold ourselves to a completely different standard.  What do you hold lovingly in your heart about the great women of your family?  How complex are these things?  My money says they're astonishingly simple.  Sugar cookies.  Hot tea.  Music.  Gardens.  Waking up early.  Rocking.  The same terrible movie over and over because that's all they had.  Simple.  Simple.  Simple.

It's time to roll back from the pain and tightness of comparison, and to embrace only the things that give us love.  What does that look like?  It means say yes to the things that increase your joy, your peace, your patience.  Embrace the people and activities that feed your kindness, goodness, and faithfulness.  Actively cultivate your gentleness and self-control.

For us, that means minimal after school activities, clubs, sports, or loose-friend birthday parties.  It means Sunday dinner and Wednesday night family night to all breathe together halfway through the week.  It means we have to say no to things that are good (this is my pain point- but scouting/soccer/pottery would be SO GOOD!) in order to say yes to something better.  When in doubt, if it makes you groan when you see it on the calendar, it's time to call the game.

You are doing an amazing job- if only you could see for yourself.  Let's grow our peace so we can see it a little more easily.

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