*GASP* It doesn't matter.

It took me a long time to learn this, you guys.

An embarrassingly long time.

If you're painfully late to the party like me, welcome.

I read about men and women who gave all the credit in their lives to an 8th grade basketball coach or a high school English teacher.  I never understood how someone devoted themselves to running or making clay mugs or cooking Italian food and through that, found meaning and purpose.  How can something like a sport where you put a ball into a specific spot center your life?  How can learning to make cannoli make you a better person?

I didn't get it.  Now, I'm starting to.  I am by no means a finished product- but I'm inpatient- so here we are.

Ready?

It doesn't matter what you're doing.  It matters who you are becoming.

One more time.

It literally doesn't matter what it is you're doing or not doing.  The only thing that matters is who you are becoming through it.

Does watercolor teach you how to make a picture for your Mom (but it really taught you to deal with your perfectionism?).  Maybe your acting class taught you confidence ( or maybe it taught you that you HATE acting and then taught you how to wrap up an unpleasant obligation gracefully?)  Did football teach you perseverance- that if you train for an hour every morning you can take a full second off your 40 yard time over the course of the year?  That's great.  A second shaved is great.  But who you became working through that is the real point.  You became someone with a goal, a plan, self-discipline, work ethic, and you've tasted the fruit of your success.  THAT is the point.

I'm contemplating this for myself, and for my children.  They all need different characteristics sharpened- some need to speak up, some need to learn to let others speak.  The thing is- the characteristic they need strengthened can happen through anything.  It doesn't matter if they're into LEGOs or hair braiding or Mozart or robotics or mud pies or youth group or tennis or video games or scouting or they eschew all organized activities. It doesn't matter if they're the team captain or the second string or the equipment manager or they didn't make the team at all (ahem- me).  What matters is who they are becoming through these events.  Are they happy?  Are they gaining in character and wisdom?  Are they proud of themselves?  What characteristics are developing within?

That is literally all that matters.  For them.  For you.  For me.

Top of the class effortlessly?  Mid-range but hardworking? Bottom of the class and underachieving?    Coming in dead last but learning sportsmanship and a lifelong love of running?  Coming in first but learning pride and conceit?  Races don't matter.  Schools don't matter.  Teams don't matter.  Clubs don't matter.  Who are they becoming through the school, the team, the club?

If nailing the picture perfect holiday dinner makes me anxious, irritable, and short tempered, I've lost.  If it has made me less kind and loving, I've lost.   (this is purely hypothetical because I am a true holiday underachiever and I'm fine with it).  I like who I am becoming when I write- so, I write.  The success or failure of that writing is utterly beside the point.  I am better at other things, but I like who I am when I do THIS thing.  So here I am.

I know you knew this already.... but I'm glad I'm here with you now.