I spent a lot of time with my dad growing up and when I look back, I see a strong pattern emerges. I see him on mall benches or in hospital waiting rooms. He's waiting at the foot of the stairs, never entering the four-girl sanctuary of our upper floor. Fathers of daughters are always politely gestured or escorted to a seat while moms are gestured forward. My dad was always just outside. When I gave birth and was still being sorted out by nurses and doctors... He was there, in the room- checking emails or sending the news to friends or watching golf with his body politely facing the other direction. As close as he could be- never asking to be closer or moving further away in a huff. He never made it about him. Many, many times, as I think back, he was there, but he wasn't close enough to see. If you are too far from someone you love, whether it be distance, 2021 life, or a strained relationship, stand where you can, even ...
Sometimes, I think I need reminding more than I need teaching. Most of what I need, I already have... I just need it dusted off and set where I can see it. So here we go. If you can be brave with your story, when you are brave with your truth, you silently (and probably unintentionally) give others permission to do the same. When you tell the truth, when you unearth the parts you never thought you had the strength to say aloud, you give everyone who hears permission to do the same. I've seen it happen again and again and again. The moment you hear a chapter you recognize, your heart leaps- "I thought I was the only one!" All of a sudden, you are not closed and alone, wondering why your life experienced such hardship or such confusion. You are among your people- and they know how you feel. In the circle of friends, time can easily pass without anything of consequence being discussed (and that's fine- we all need some levity). But here is the secret...